What happens when you’re getting in the best shape of your life but your significant other is watching television with a bag of Lays in his lap?
What happens when you are getting a flat stomach and his stomach seems to be growing?
I know this can be quite the controversial topic but to be honest, it’s one that needs to be discussed. Not only for health reasons but for the sake of a healthy relationship. (Note… I am not a relationship expert).
I hear ladies all the time tell me that they wish their husbands would get moving, would eat better, and would take action to get healthy.
The Tough Love Honest Pact
Every day I’m blessed because fitness is a passion that I share with my husband. Some couples like to go out to dinner together, we like to throw kettle bells around and film workouts.
I’m also blessed with a man that is 100% honest (yes honesty can be hard to handle but it’s greatly appreciated at the end of the day). When we became engaged we made a pact… if either of us started to “let ourselves go” then we would tell the other.
How do I know we’ll be honest? Because over the almost 9-years we’ve been together, we’ve already had a few of these chats.
Sure, it’s not what you want to hear from your loved one, but it’s real and… no one else is going to tell me (or him).
It Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Attracted
Let’s clarify one thing… acknowledging your spouse’s weight gain or unhealthy habits doesn’t mean that you’re not attracted to him or that you love him any less.
I think that’s what we’re afraid of letting on by opening up. We’re afraid to hurt feelings, or to come off as shallow.
It’s not shallow… it’s communication. Honest communication is the basic fundamental requirement for any successful relationship. You don’t have to be a relationship expert to know that.
Yes, I Workout For My Husband
One of the reasons I workout is for my husband. I want to look good for him, I want to feel confident with the lights on in front of him, and I want him to have this “yea, that’s my wife” attitude.
I don’t think that makes me less of a feminist, especially because I know it’s one of the reasons Dan works out too.
It’s for each other (yes there are tons of other reasons why I workout for myself).
A couple’s paddleboarding workout!
To be honest, staying in shape is showing respect… saying “I love you and I want to be the best version of myself around you.”
So back to the original topic here…
You’ve noticed that your husband has gained weight, you want to do something about it, but what?
How To Tell Your Guy He’s Gotta Workout
Here’s the first option. Be subtle, and make it something you guys can do together. Sit down with your guy and tell him that you want to be more active together, so that you both can get in better shape. Ask if the two of you can go for a walk after work 3 times a week. Or if you could start taking a fitness class together, it’s bonding and getting the workout in without directly saying “go workout!”
Don’t fuel it.
I have a friend who wants her husband to lose weight. He’s at his heaviest. But here’s the thing… she makes him brownies, cookies, and buys him junk food because she knows he loves it. Don’t do it. If you want changes, then you have to help those changes happen.
Clean the kitchen.
This one might be a bit harder to get going, but it’s extremely important. If your husband loves chips, late night snacks, etc… then eliminate them. Tell him how important it is for him to eat healthy so that you can celebrate many more anniversaries and life events. It might be met with some initial hostilities but with time it gets easier.
Don’t be cruel.
It can be easy to criticize, especially if you’re working out hard and eating healthy. You’re leading by example and yet he’s not budging. Don’t let your frustrations come out on him. Offer to help, let him know you love him but you want what’s best for him. I’ve been called fat by a family member before… it stays with you. Avoid using the “F” word.
Even with Dan and I’s pact, we have never been cruel to one another.
If your guy gained weight in a short amount of time, something might be going on. Sit down with him and ask. It’s probably what he wants from you. He realizes that he’s gaining weight, and right now he needs to know that you love him and support him. Perhaps something is going on at work, stress in the house, a new favorite burger joint down beside the office, etc. The list can go on.
Don’t try to solve the problem right away, just lend an ear.
Set up a friendly competition.
This is coming from a competitive couple and it might not be great for everyone. But, if you have a big event coming up make a friendly competition to see who can see the best results by time the event rolls around. I know a couple that is getting married in November and made a bet to see who toned up the most… the winner gets to pick their honeymoon.
Or make a cooking challenge. If you cook 3 nights a week and your husband cooks 3 nights, challenge each other to see who can make the best tasting, healthy meals.
I might have to do that one!
Offer to help.
Once you’ve had the initial talk, ask what you can do to help. It might mean helping to pack his lunches or laying out a gym bag each morning. Or maybe it’s going to the gym together to hold each other accountable.
Ask what you can do to help your man move in the right direction. You’re a team, and that makes you each other’s biggest cheerleaders. It might mean more workout for you, but it’s worth it in the end, right?
Have you ever had to tell your husband or significant other that they needed to lose weight? Would you tell them if needed?