If I Were Santa’s Trainer: 10 Fitness Tips To Get St. Nick Through Christmas
You know those stories you hear of grandfathers living to be 95 years old after a life filled with booze, cigs, and fried food? Well, that’s Santa Clause (except instead of booze and cigarettes, it’s cookies and milk).
How the man has managed to live centuries while keeping up with his lifestyle is beyond me. It’s only a matter of time until those cookies, full fat milk, and hot cocoa start leading to some chimney clogs…
Let’s face it, Jolly Old Saint Nick isn’t getting any younger yet his delivery route is getting bigger and bigger with each decade. More work for him means it’s time for a fitness and lifestyle overhaul.
Christmas may only be 13 days away (not that I’m counting) but if I were up in the North Pole right now, I would be urging Chris Cringle to follow these fitness and nutritional tips so that come December 24th he’s flying fast and slidding down chimneys smoothly.
By the way… how many names does he have?
10 Tips For Santa To Handle Christmas Eve
When it comes to delivering toys he gets a quick break between houses right? Basically as long as it takes for Dasher and the rest of the gang to get him to the next roof… which I’m guessing isn’t very long. Then it’s straight back to work.
Santa, if I were your trainer you would be doing Tabata intervals now to handle the intensity of what’s to come! 20 seconds of exercise followed with 10 seconds of rest… repeat for 8 rounds before having a longer rest. Here’s more info on Tabatas.
2. Skim Down.
I’m don’t think I’ve had whole milk since I was a baby however my husband tells me it’s amazing. I’m sure people only want to leave the best out for the old man, but think about all the fat, all the calories and all the hormones he’ll be getting by night’s end.
Santa, you can tell the milk rating by just looking at it, right? It might not be your favorite but considering all of the gallons of milk you’ll be consuming, it might be wise to skip the heavy stuff and choose the skim milks only. And if you really want to go all out, check the fridges to see if the milk you’ve been presented is organic (hormone free) or not. One glass of course won’t hurt you, but millions who’s to say?
3. Re Gift And Share.
Chocolate chip, sugar, gingerbread, shortbread… you name a type of cookie and I am sure Santa Clause gets it. One cookie can have over 200 calories, a ton of sugar, and loads of saturated fat (hello butter).
Santa, it’s time to practice some self control. If you keep eating this way you’re going to be on an insulin pump next Christmas Eve. Don’t feel pressured to be in the “clean cookie club”. Grab the cookies, give them to your reindeer (they need it for fuel, it’s like runner’s GU) and even package them up in a few tins for the elves.
When it’s cold you may not be as aware of thirst as if it were hot but you could end up dehydrated faster (think how dry skin gets during the colder months).
Drink at least half of your weight in ounces each day to ensure proper hydration. And Dear Santa… it might not hurt to drink water on the sled instead of hot cocoa, coffee, or milk.
5. Lift With The Legs.
If I were Santa’s trainer I would make sure that he had proper form for lifting all those packages he will have to handle. Deadlifts and squats would be a major ingredient into our fitness regiment. As we age, form suffers because strength training is often neglected.
Santa, if you haven’t already, get in the gym and get lifting weights! Make sure that each lift comes from the legs and that your back is straight, shoulders are back and not hunched. You don’t want to pull your back out and be stuck in the bed for a week, right?
6. Don’t Think It Can’t Happen To You.
Oh, that can never happen to me… we all think we are indestructible (especially Santa). We like to believe that our bodies will never turn on us, that we will be that small percentage that can drink every day, smoke a pack of cigarettes and stay as healthy as a horse.
Or that we will never be injured…
No worries, this is from last year. Fully recovered!
Sure you’ve lived this long but the world is changing. Cookies 100 years ago were made from the freshest and best ingredients. Now who knows what’s in your cookies? Your milk? Foods are genetically modified and processed to crazy limits… so even though you’ve gone this long, don’t assume you won’t be affected. Make the change, create a healthy lifestyle! And if you need more workouts once Christmas is over I’m here for you!
7. Jump The Reindeer.
I can’t imagine how the reindeer feel after a night of flying, running, and taking off of millions of roofs. They need to be conditioned just like any other athlete. This is the ultimate marathon and they need to be ready!
Santa, I recommend that you have the reindeer on a fitness regiment that incorporates a lot of plyometric moves… jumping exercises. Squat jumps, leaps, and long jumps are all good to help them handle the the take offs and landings. Plyometrics are great for building strength, muscle, stamina, speed and even bone strength.
8. Your Bowl Full Of Jelly Training.
Have you ever laughed so hard, your core was sore the next day? Those belly laughs are the best!
Santa, you’re going to be Ho-Ho-Ho’ing all night long, right? Get your core ready to take those belly laughs by doing some of my favorite ab moves: Planks, lemon squeezes, med ball rotations and leg raises are a few of my favorites. While your watching television at night, incorporate these into the commercial breaks.
Here are 30 plank variations to help!
9. Lay Off The Butter & Run A Few Laps.
Heart disease is the number one killer in America. Saturated fats and lack of exercise are two huge culprits. The best way to lower those risk? Diet and exercise.
If you keep doing what you’re doing the insulin pump isn’t going to be your only health concern. When is the last time you went for a jog or did any type of cardio workout? When was the last time you thought about your food choices? Santa, my friend, lets get you moving 30-45 minutes each day and have Mrs. Clause cook up some lean dinners filled with veggies and lean proteins.
10. Keep It Going All Year Long.
12 hours of exercise in a single night is not the same as 1 hour of exercise 12 days in a row. Less is more for the body… long bursts of exercise leads to stress, injuries, and burnout while shorter burst allows for healthy living!
I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to do your job. I’m sure the last thing you want to do when you are done is think about working out. But do it, and do it regularly! Not just the 24th of December. Plan out a schedule and stick to a regiment that has you exercising 3-5 times per week. You might just be surprised next year when you wake up feeling great on Christmas for a change because you’re in tip-top shape!
Oh one last thing… I’ve been a very good girl this year 😉
What’s your favorite cookie during the holidays?
I used to love sugar cookies with frosting… but this year I’ve been going crazy for gingerbread men. I’ve already made 3 batches!