This New Years I Give Up: I Surrender
Happy New Year!!
I am stoked for 2014… mainly because I hate odd numbers and writing 2013 just never came easily. Okay, I am pretty stoked for a new year of goals, accomplishments and challenges too!
But I don’t want to harp on 2013… while many bloggers are recapping the year, I am ready to close this chapter and start writing this new 365-page book. In fact, at yoga last night (yes Dan and I went to yoga on New Years Eve and it was great) our teacher brought up a wonderful point… resolutions, what a terrible thing.
“Resolutions” sounds as if we have to resolve something, fix something that we did wrong. No matter what we did in 2013, they got us to where we are at this very moment… so appreciate everything. Instead of resolving think about how you can grow…
With That… I’ve Decided To Give Up
My hands are behind my head, I am down on my knees. I surrender.
On Monday, a friend posted an article on my Facebook timeline entitled: “20 Things To Let Go Of Before The New Year”.
In the comments section she wrote:
“Kindal, thought you might like this”.
Well, I don’t know how much I liked it but I sure as hell needed it. No one loves to read about their own faults and insecurities. But to get better, to improve (especially with today being a new start), it’s a requirement!
In fact, for me, it’s the first thing to do on this new day, of a new month, of a new year (did you get all that?).
Reading the article I felt my cheeks flush, my throat slightly tighten, and for a moment I thought I was going to get all emotional. I’m a cry baby, it’s true. Luckily, I held it together and didn’t make a scene in Starbucks.
What’s Wrong With Grudges?
I’m a grudge holder.
Well, really I am an emotion holder. I hold on to emotions, the good and the bad until they simply get stacked too high and come crashing down. I am not one of those people that lets things just roll off their backs, letting go isn’t easy. But I’m willing to try.
I love with all my heart, and I grudge with all my heart. I’m an all or none kind of person and I definitely don’t sugar coat it. It’s one of my strongest traits and one of my weakest.
For a long time I’ve held grudges to people who have hurt me or let me down. I have pushed these people away with this idea of “I don’t have time for negative people in my life”.
That excuse has caused me more pain than it has done me good. I won’t go into details but I haven’t spoken with my paternal grandparents since my wedding… over 3 years ago. No matter what they may have done, the negative energy it’s caused isn’t worth it. It doesn’t make me stronger and it doesn’t make me a better person. It shows my weakness.
And it’s not just other people…
I Hold A Grudge Against Myself
When I let myself down or when I feel like I let anyone down for that matter, I beat myself up over it.
What do you mean I can’t be perfect?
Oh I’ll show you that I can be the perfect trainer, wife, friend, business owner, cook, sister, aunt, daughter, …
Well guess what: I can’t be perfect at all of those. I can’t be perfect with ANY of them.
And that’s what I am taking into the New Year with me.
My 2014 Change: To Let Go
This year will be the year that I acknowledge my weaknesses and accept them. That means letting go (and likely sharing more confessions). Letting go of trying to be “Perfect”.
I can’t accomplish 5,000 things in a day, so why try? It only makes me upset and anxious.
I can’t be the perfect “insert job title here” to everyone… in fact, I surrender to the notion that right now I am not the perfect daughter, sister or friend. In 2013, I may have pushed those titles a bit more to the side than I would have liked to focus on other aspects of my life.
Just like a relationship, no couple is ever 50/50, you go back and forth.
I surrender to the things I can not change and I’ve decided to go into the year with an open heart, open mind, and more importantly… with more self-love.
Wow, things just got deep.
Why I’m Sharing This?
Because perhaps you have some unresolved issues from 2013 as well. Just maybe, I’m not alone in holding on. Perhaps my goal is a good one for you or someone else you know? Maybe like me, that article above pulls at your heart and helps you to see what you need to do. Or like my friend, maybe you know someone that it could benefit?
Excuse me, while I go and tell some people I love them. Happy New Year!
Our New Years Even Dinner: Homemade Vegan Pizza and Champagne!
I love you all, thank you for hanging out with me throughout 2013, and I hope 2014 brings us all closer!
Will you be enjoying any traditional New Year foods?
We are eating at my parents’ today which will consists of hop-n-john and collard greens. They represent wealth and luck for the coming year. I’m also making a big pot of lentil soup which is what Dan grew up eating on New Years, as well as a pot of split pea soup. The split pea soup is simply because Dan and I are addicted and he requested it.