Top 10 Thursday: 5 Reasons Why I Am Too Hard On Myself

Happy Thursday. The work week is almost over and the Mt. In The Middle Race is right around the corner. Since this will be my first trail run, I have no idea of what to expect but I am pretty excited.

Especially since I get to run it with these two lovely ladies! Both of who are on Team Taylor’s Swifts (we will be #teamtaylorsswifts for Twitter) for the Palmetto70!

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Jeanette… it’s not too late to sign up 🙂 

With my goal to run a race every single month this year, I finally decided on my race for February! But I’ll reveal that later.

For now, let’s turn our attention away from running and on to something even better… ME. Just kidding.

But seriously, as you can tell from the title it is going to be a selfish post. Why? Because for most women, we are our own worst enemies. I am not different and I just hope that by getting a lot of this off my chest will:

  1. Calm me down and set me in a more positive direction.
  2. You can relate, and say… “Cool, other women feel this way too.”

So without further ado, may I present to you:

The Top 5 Ways I Beat Myself Up
(Next Week Will Be The Other 5 Cont’d)

I’m not fit enough.

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As a trainer, pseudo-athlete and healthy living blogger I feel a lot of pressure to look a certain part. I see several of my fellow trainers and bloggers and often feel the comparison monster come out.

Often these ideas and doubts pop through my head:

“Do I look as in shape as I am?”

“Why does it look like I have a gut in my Youtube video?”

“Do I look like a “trainer”, runner, strength enthusiast”?

These are just a few. And even though I know I am in shape, I always feel the pressure (put on by me) to look better.

soar-race-trophey

Am I the best?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE teaching my women’s boot camps and seeing my clients transform to get into fabulous shape. But I also want to always make that I am in the best shape. I never want them to think… “why come to boot camp, when I am in better shape and stronger than the trainer?”

Again, this has never been an issue brought up to me, but a purely self inflicted concern. So yes, I work my tush off to make sure that if Susie gets up to 5 pull-ups, I can do 7 pull-ups. I use it more for motivation than anything (and I do this on my own workouts, not during class).

Kelly Bundy Syndrome.

soft-ball-kindal

Before I reveal this one, please do not judge my parents. They are fabulous and I am thankful for the life they have given me.

Being the only blonde in my house as a kid had it’s ups and downs. People always complimented on my snow white hair and blue eyes.

On the downside, anytime I had a “dumb blonde” moment, my dad would quickly refer to me as Kelly Bundy (remember Married With Children).

I hated it, even as a 6-year old, and took it as an insult. So I worked my ass off to be a top notch student in school and earn the respect of being “smart”.

Not only was I the first to go to college in my entire family, but I graduated with honors. Sounds great, right?

When I got my first C in college (boo for Organic Chem), I broke down and burst into tears, thinking that I just ruined my changes to go to med school. Who does that!? You better believe it was the last C I ever made.

graduation-wu

Anyways… I have a complex of people assuming that I am a dumb blonde.

I’m the worst vegan ever. 

kindal-juice-smoothy

Believe it or not, I put a lot of pressure on myself with the food I eat. A lot of it comes because as a blogger, I want to show you how to live a healthy but fulfilling life.

But on the flip side, as a blogger, I often worry about disappointing you. I hate disappointing anyone… my friends, family, readers, husband, oh and myself.

If I cheat on my vegan lifestyle, will I be judged? Probably not… I hope not at least.

I decided to go vegan purely for the reason I feel great and I have such a better relationship with food. However, there are times when I want fish, cheese or ice cream.

I can’t tell you how many times I have passed up on food (not all the time) because I don’t want to let people down.

Dan tells me all the time I need to remember to focus on making me happy and not others… but that’s often easier said than done.

If I miss a workout, I’ll gain weight or regress in my fitness. 

This is something I have worked on for years. I am a big fan that the body needs rest from time to time after bursts of intense training. However, you will be hard pressed to ever find me taking time off from working out.

It’s purely mental and with a history of weight issues and exercise addiction, it is something I sometimes have to remind myself: rest is crucial to be healthy.

not at my biggest

This is NOT me at my heaviest, however it is my heaviest out of college. I was not happy. At all.

I know the importance of it, I teach it to my clients, yet I am disappointed in myself if I am not able to get my scheduled workouts in.

I will admit, that I have gotten better about this. If I miss a workout, I no longer panic or try to workout an extra day. I just breath, remind myself one day won’t kill me or my body and move on.

So that’s a wrap for this portion of Top 10. This could get so much deeper but I’ll bring the party back up! Next week, I will continue on with the final 5.

Seriously, this is a lot of stuff I have never talked about so I feel very “unexposed” I guess you could say.

But it feels great.

I am blessed to have such a wonderful community here! Because really, when I look back over my insecurities it comes down to a fear of missing out on life and worrying what others think of me. I gotta put my big girl panties on and move forward!

What is one thing you beat yourself up over?

Winner of the Two Moms In The Raw GiveAway: 

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Linda: Who said her favorite treats were granola bars! Linda,

Please email me your address at Taylorryan0406@gmail.com.

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